Trying Hard
by ObsidianWolf001
Summary: Kaneki is screwed up. We all know Kaneki is screwed up after what Yamori did to him, Uta more intimately than the rest. But he didn't know the half of it until he picked up that damned book... (Holy hell that got dark fast. MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNINGS. Some serious Obsidian stuff here guys. You've been warned.)
1. Chapter 1

Everyone had their own problems. Some people it was small, like not being able to remember things, or always stubbing their toe on a chair when they passed. Others it was big. Depression, anxiety, mental illness. Uta had never had any of those problems. He'd always just rolled with the punches. The only problem he'd ever had was with Kaneki. He was conflicted for a while about what to do with him, but in the end that problem had solved itself. Now Kaneki was his lover, and he knew everything, and was so strong.

Even when his issues were monstrous.

Kaneki suffered from severe depression, and nothing could convince Uta otherwise, though no doctor would isolate it. He often woke in the middle of the night to find Kaneki sobbing in the bathroom, which also led to his next issue. He had a horrendous case of what doctor's called Conditioned Emotional Response, which was like PTSD only one hundred times worse. If someone cracked their knuckles, Kaneki bolted. If he hunted with Uta, Uta had to be excessively careful with how he ate and when he pulled things apart, if he did so at all. The snap of bones separating from each other caused an immediate and visceral response. Sometimes it was screaming, others a fight. More than once Uta had been forced to put Kaneki into a wall until he was calm. Small things like the scraping of metal on metal caused Kaneki to shake uncontrollably, jerking his legs and arms out like he was seizing. The nightmares were awful things. He would scream himself awake at times, and others Uta would wake to hear him vomiting in the bathroom. He was insomniac because of it, sleeping in short fifteen minute bursts. It made his disposition so much worse.

Many people said that, with these issues, there came a simple solution that helped everyone cope. Kaneki's, besides coffee, seemed to be his books. He would always have a book in his hands, and some days Uta could even hear the scratch of a pen on paper while he was working. It helped calm Uta down even as it did the same for Kaneki. Sometimes it surprised Uta, because Kaneki couldn't sit still, so reading was always so hard for him anymore. He had been held still in a chair for too long. He couldn't hold still, he would always be bouncing a leg, or shaking a pen, drawing patterns into his leg with his fingers, something. At times the need to move was so strong Kaneki threw his book down and started walking laps around the shop, running up and down the stairs like he was on a hamster wheel.

Kaneki always sat in the corner of Uta's shop, where Uta had moved some mannequins and set up a little futon for Kaneki to settle comfortably on and still be with Uta while he worked. He left a bedside table there and an LED lamp to help Kaneki see, and that was where Kaneki sat now, writing frantically in a journal Yomo had gotten him when he found Kaneki writing on his arms and thighs one day. Uta was working on a mask when he heard the sound, becoming slowly familiar, of the slap of the journal hitting the smooth wooden end table. He looked up to see Kaneki donning his hoodie. "Where you headed?" Uta asked casually.

"I need to walk around or something. I'm a little fidgety today, and I don't want to snap on you when it isn't your fault. I'll be back. I promise. It's the only place I feel safe." Kaneki promised, coming over to Uta with manic energy.

Uta nodded, cupping one side of Kaneki's face to settle him and pressing a kiss to him. "I love you. Please be careful." Uta told him when they broke apart from what he had meant to be a simple goodbye kiss.

"I will." Kaneki promised, and then jogged for the door and was gone.

Uta sighed, leaning back and looking down at the mask. He had been painting it's light wooden surface, and the paint was evenly dried all around it. He tilted his head, but couldn't seem to get the focus back on the manic mask. Instead, his eyes kept focusing on that journal. Kaneki had left it open facing up when he'd slapped it down, and left the pen beside it. Uta wondered if maybe what had agitated him so much was what he'd been writing, and he stood to go see what was written. Kaneki had never asked him not to read it, and Uta wasn't sure if he should, but he already missed Kaneki, and he felt a little bit alone without the manic energy of a moment ago.

When he reached the end table where the book lay, Uta lifted it and looked down at what was written. Slowly, his heart sank into his stomach, and he had to sit down as he read. He flipped it back to the first page, and still his heart sunk lower.

"Oh my God..." he whispered to the air.

 _I try so_ _ **fucking hard**_ _not to let him see how absolutely fucking insane I'm going locked in this fucking room all night long. I was chained to a chair and now I'm chained in this dark apartment, and he's right beside me and I should feel fine but I fucking_ _ **don't**_ _and I don't get it. Isn't he supposed to make me feel better? He tries so hard to make me feel better I can see that he does. But it makes me feel like an invalid. That sick fuck Yamori. Jason. This is_ _ **all his fault.**_ _Or maybe it was mine. I should have just died when he beat me up in Anteiku. I would have been no fun then if I had broken sooner. What if I had broken sooner? What if I had lost my mind in Anteiku, dismembered him like I did at Aogiri in Anteiku right in front of Touka? Ha. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha she would have been saved a beating and I could have been saved being this fucking thing. He probably can't even stand the way I feel God I fucking whine too much._

 _...You can only hit six_

 _You can't pierce a ghouls skin with a hypodermic needle. The needle bends and breaks off, so you have to jam the needle into the membrane of the eye. it burns and stings and hurts and you think for a while that you're going to go blind and vomit and die from that pain. I'd never liked needles, but this was the worst experience I'd ever had with a needle. I wonder how Uta got all his tattoos. I don't think I could anymore, not after those needles in my eyes. I couldn't get close to a needle. I'd probably turn around and jam it right into someone else's eye. Does that make me worse than Yamori for doing it to a random innocent stranger? Oh wait. I was an innocent stranger. Guess not._

 _Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod I'm just making him hate me. Uta woke up after I did last night at 3:04 a.m. when I vomited like a stupid fucking bitch, and and and he asked me if I was okay but he sounded so sad and tired and agitated. I keep screwing up lives. Touka got the shit beaten out of her trying to protect me I stabbed Yomo Nishio almost died and even Tsukiyama spent time trying to protect me and Yoshimura had to spend his own valuable time away from little Hinami who also wanted to protect me. Now I'm doing it to Uta. I should have just let Yamori eat me. I wouldn't be such a burden then._

 _He keeps showing up, even in my dreams._

 _It was such a nice dream last night but_ _ **Yamori**_ _fucking_ _ **ruined it.**_ _Uta and I were making love, and it was soft and sweet and so great, and then he leaned down and whispered in my ear "_ _ **What's one thousand minus seven?"**_ _I looked up and it was Yamori, and I was back in that chair, and he was tearing me apart again, and I couldn't remember which number came next, and you can only reach six. Why can you only reach six?_

 _I tried to kill myself today. I hoped if I just made myself swallow enough human food it would weaken me enough. So I binged on as much of it as I could get my hands on, and went out to pick a fight. I blacked out a few moments before he could kill me, and when I came to I was covered in blood, and the guy I'd picked, a huge male ghoul with rage dripping off of him, was splattered on the alley around me. It's a good thing this is a bad ward, or the doves would be everywhere and it would be a big problem. Because I think I'm going to try it again soon._

The entries went on like that to fill nearly the entire thing, and Uta jumped nearly out of his skin when the door opened again, Itori and Yomo and the Clowns coming in. Itori crowed his name when she saw him, a huge smile on her face, but Yomo was more perceptive.

"Your face is pale, and that's Kaneki's journal." He stated in his simple way.

Nico nodded, crouching down beside him. "Yomo's right hon, you're ashen. What's the matter, that sweet little thing didn't bother you did he?" He asked.

Uta had to clear his throat, because on his first attempt his voice didn't come out. He looked up at Yomo. "Did you know what he was writing?" He asked, lifting the journal to him, voice weak.

"Ooh, Kaneki writes? Lemme see." Itori giggled, sounding excited. Her face dropped as well when she saw the words there.

Yomo scanned the pages, then looked back down at Uta, who was watching him, desperately hoping he was wrong and his eyes were lying to him. Yomo closed it and put it on the end table, sitting beside his best friend. "I didn't know, but what I found him writing wasn't very good either. He was writing about a drug that limits kagune activity, and makes the healing factor slow enough to make ghoul skin breakable with normal tools. I thought it was a one time thing, but just in case I wanted him to have this." Yomo explained.

Nico picked up the book and flipped through it. "When Yamori picked him up he was savage beating him. He slammed his head against walls, impaled him with his own kagune, tried everything to kill the guy there, but he just wouldn't die. Yamori even commented on how he 'just couldn't break the little guy.' It was what intrigued him so much. And Yamori used to ask the people he tortured to count backwards from one thousand by sevens. He said that when he was tortured it was what kept him sane. I've never counted down so far, but I think hitting six would make me worried that I'd screwed up somewhere." He closed it again. "The rest I don't understand."

Uta put it down like it were poison and put his face in his hands. He wanted to see Kaneki. He needed to hold Kaneki in his arms and be sure that he was alright. He wasn't sure he would be able to hold it together rationally like normally did when Kaneki came back. Not after reading that thing. He asked them to leave after a moment, and they did so quietly, keeping themselves from saying the wrong thing by excusing themselves. Only then did Uta pull away his hands, soaked with bloody tears, from his eyes.

Kaneki came back a few minutes after that to see Uta sitting on his couch, biting his black fingernails raw, and immediately sprang over to grab Uta's hand.

"You're bleeding. You're going to hurt your hand that way and scar it." He told Uta, kissing the place where he'd been bleeding seconds earlier gently and putting Uta's hand in his lap.

Uta flung his arms around Kaneki. "You aren't locked in I swear, you can go out whenever you need to. I promise you I would never lock you up like he did and you aren't a burden to me and I swear if you ever try to kill yourself again or if you manage to kill yourself I will raze this entire fucking island to the ground and raise you from the dead so that no one can hurt you again. I'm sorry I read it but I needed to know if you were okay and you aren't. I love you and I don't hate you, and I could never hate you, I don't know and never will, I love you. I love you. I love you Kaneki Ken. I love you. Marry me, don't ever leave me, please." He begged.

Kaneki was dead still for a long moment, which worried Uta, but then his arms were wrapping around Uta's waist as well, and his head was leaning on his shoulders. "Do you really mean that?" Kaneki asked.

Uta nodded frantically, taking huge breaths of Kaneki's scent. "Yes, marry me, just don't leave me. I wanted to propose in some romantic way you would appreciate but I can't wait that long because if I do you'll think I'm just doing it to make you happy. And I am trying to make you happy, but not just because I feel like I have to. Because I feel like I need you and I can't breathe when you aren't around and I need you in my life and damn it I haven't cried this much in a while, and it's your fault Kaneki, and so you have to marry me and make me feel better now..." Uta trailed off and buried his face in Kaneki's shoulder, trying hard to control himself and make it sound sensible. He knew Kaneki had been asking about the entire explosion, but he couldn't make all the crazy make sense right now. Kaneki was motionless in his arms, only squeezing Uta tight against his chest like he had since he'd returned the embrace. Then he nodded on Uta's shoulder.

"Okay. Okay. I'll marry you."


	2. Chapter 2

Kaneki had to go get Uta's outfit. Kaneki had said that he didn't mind if Uta just signed a paper or what not, but Uta had gone above and beyond. He had presented Kaneki with a ring he had designed himself two days later, wearing the match, and now, almost six months later, had a small shrine reserved. He was even going to wear the black dinner tux now hanging in a dress bag over Kaneki's arm. Kaneki had no idea what the hell he was supposed to wear, or if he'd be able to handle this without laughing or losing it a little more, but he wouldn't stop Uta now. Uta was already worried about him.

He had his black hoodie on, but somehow Touka still recognized him anyway as he was moving down the street. She moved probably at her fastest as Kaneki had ever seen, and then she was in front of Kaneki.

"Hey. What's in the bag?" She asked.

Kaneki cringed internally, hoping to fuck that she didn't keep him any longer. "Clothes." He answered shortly. "Hi Touka. How are you?"

"Fine. I was wondering where the hell you'd gone. Is that from that fancy clothes place by the shop?" She asked.

"Yes, Touka. Why don't you go ask them?" Kaneki replied, moving to step around her.

And straight into her brother. He stopped, feeling mildly pinned, and automatically looking around for Uta, or someone he knew he could trust. Which, of course, was only fucking Uta. Who was delivering a mask two wards away.

"What's up with you? You getting into fancy clothes now?" Ayato asked, pulling the bag up to look at what's inside.

Kaneki snatched it back and turned to keep his back to the crowd and facing Touka and Ayato. "I'm not. It'd be nice if you guys would back off."

"What's with the monkey suit?" Ayato asked. "It looks too big to be yours."

"It's not." Kaneki snapped.

He wasn't sure if Uta wanted to tell anyone. Or if he had told anyone. He didn't want to say this suddenly without Uta knowing. He cracked his knuckles.

"Who's suit is it?" Touka asked, trying to peek as well. "That's a tux."

"It's Uta's, hands off." Kaneki slid past them and kept walking again.

"What does Uta need a tux for?" Touka asked.

"The wedding." He snapped, determined to try to say nothing more.

Touka stopped for a moment, and then they were catching up. "Whose wedding?" Ayato asked. "Doesn't seem like the getting married thing is for him?"

"None of your business." Kaneki snapped. "I'm going to the fourth ward. Please go away."

"Is he getting married?" He asked.

Kaneki pulled his hood up, but then Touka caught his left hand. He went to pull it back, but she dug her finger in and held it there, examining the ring on his finger. She blinked hard, looking up at him. "You?" She asked.

" _You're_ getting married?" Ayato scoffed. "You've got to be shitting me."

"Oh my god, get away would you!" Kaneki jerked his hand back, adjusting his ring, and jumped down into the subway to lose them in the crowd.

 _ **7777777**_

Touka went straight to Itori's bar, Helter Skelter, just to see if she knew what was going on. She came in and found Yomo at the bar with Itori, who was guzzling bloodwine straight from the bottle. She sat down on the other side of her.

"Did you know?" She asked.

Itori looked over from her wine. "What do you mean? I'm sure I knew something, but it is completely dependent on what you're asking about." She asked.

"Kaneki. Getting married. To Uta." Touka watched her spit the wine out, and even saw Yomo's face change. "I'll take it that's a no."

"What?" Itori screeched, wine still dripping from her lip. "Since when?"

"I don't know. I just saw him bringing a tux from a shop near Anteiku, and when Ayato and I asked him who it was for he said that it was Uta's for the wedding, and then I saw the rock on his finger. I thought you were his friend." Touka said, sounding super confused.

Itori shrugged, turning to Yomo. "I thought we were too. Did you know about it, Ren?" She asked.

Yomo shook his head. "Not even a little hint. He still seems pretty wired like the last time we saw him, actually." He answered.

"What happened the last time you saw him together?" Touka asked.

Itori took another sip of wine, wiping her lips before corking the bottle. "He'd read the journal Ren-y had gotten Kaneki, and found out how far his mind was gone. Apparently the kid had attempted suicide to make it stop, but it didn't work. Binged on human food and went out to pick a fight that he won. He was worried that Kaneki was going to do it again, or that he wouldn't be able to put him back together. I guess this was his way of making sure he was there for it." She answered, grabbing her jacket. "Come on Yomo. We're going to find that asshole and get him to talk to us."

Yomo stood without a word, putting his own coat on, and Touka followed them, listening to Itori pull out her phone.

"Hey, Nico, get the guys and meet me at Uta's. He's marrying Kaneki, and I figured you'd want to be there for it too."

 _ **7777777**_

Uta and Kaneki were up in the apartment, Kaneki's breathing a little ragged, Uta's lips attached to his neck in the shower, when the door downstairs opened, then closed with Itori's voice lilting up the stairs in the sing song voice he'd really started to hate. It meant she was going to demand answers to a question she didn't need answered, but felt was her business. What he wasn't used to was all the other people who called him as well.

Kaneki's head fell back against the tiled shower wall, and he sighed. "Go on. I'll go with you." He suggested.

Uta sighed, rolling his kakugan, and twisted the water off. Downstairs, Itori continued to wail, but knew better than to come up the stairs thankfully. When they both were in pants, the two ghouls made their way down the stairs, Kaneki's fingers tapping a high paced rhythm Uta had learned meant he was agitated, though he didn't express it. He took the other ghoul's hand, and then opened the door to his shop to see...well, pretty much everyone they knew in the shop.

It was a pretty even schism down the center of Aogiri/Clowns on one side, Anteiku on the other. Touka stood by Yomo, Yoshimura behind him, Nishio leaning on his counter, and Kimi by his side there too. Ayato started the schism of Aogiri, Banjou behind him and Nico, technically both, behind them with a few others Uta didn't know by name. The whole of the Clowns were there, Itori obviously the one rallying them to gang up on the two.

Kaneki automatically tensed at so many people in one room, and Uta had to squeeze his hand to reassure him. "it's alright Kaneki."

Kaneki nodded, though Uta could feel the tension still there. He hadn't slept again last night, which only added to it. Kaneki looked around at all of them before leaning on the doorjamb and letting Uta take lead.

Itori jumped the gun. "So, when were you going to tell us about this?" She asked.

"About what?" Uta asked, but Kaneki groaned, thumping his head against the door frame before turning to glare at the Kirishima's in turn. "What?"

"You two are really annoying some days, you know that? You can't just leave well enough alone." Kaneki snapped, turning to go up the stairs.

"Why shouldn't we know you're getting married? That's important." Touka called after him.

Uta leaned back and rolled his eyes, pressing his tattooed fingers into his eyes. "That's what this is about?" He asked.

"Yes, that's what this is about. I want to be there!" Itori shouted. "You two are super cute together, but apparently some of us didn't know that you were even together."

"I was saving this part for later, because I wanted it to be a surprise, but Kaneki's right." Uta stormed over to his desk and yanked open a drawer. He removed heavy, cream colored envelopes with gold embossing on the back, each with a name on it. "I found a list in his book of people he cared about, and put together a list of people he can't lie about. I put my few names in there. If your name isn't on one of those cards, tough shit. I was hoping to surprise him with the people who showed up." He shook his head, hearing a crunch from upstairs. "Great, now you've pissed him off. Good fucking work."

"Mr. Uta, we didn't know any better." Touka tried to defend herself.

"Well that's pretty fucking obvious right now." He snapped, jogging up the stairs. "He hasn't slept again tonight, and he's already fried as it is. Just find the envelope and go."

That was the first fiasco, but was the guest list ever the easy part?

 _ **7777777**_

"I am not, under any circumstances, wearing a dress, Uta." Kaneki called from the bathroom.

"It's not a dress!" Uta replied without looking up from his sketchpad. "Come on, please, just let me see it. I know my outfit fits, but I need to make sure that one fits you. Please come out here."

"I feel like an idiot." Kaneki complained.

Uta sighed, rubbing his fingers over his temples to massage away the headache. "Kaneki, you're my idiot, and if someone has a problem with that outfit, they can kiss my ghoul ass, and jump off a fucking bridge. Now please, just let me see if it fits you." He asked. "We're two weeks away, and I did the alterations myself, but I just want to be sure."

There was a muffled sigh, and then the latch turned on the bathroom door, and Uta looked up. The sight that touched his eyes made his heart stop beating in his chest.

Kaneki had his overlong hair tied back with a red ribbon, and it matched the shade of the ceremonial yukata perfectly, with only a touch of red and black stitching in the white fabric of the hem and the trim. Uta had added those touches himself. It fit like the entire thing had been made while he was in the outfit, tailored to fit his body like a second skin where appropriate, and to keep him in a clean line where else. The laquered black shoes fit the oufit without a second thought, and Kaneki was bright red in the face with it on.

"I told you. I look like an idiot." He suggested.

Uta brushed his hair away from his face. "You are definitely not looking stupid right now, Kaneki. I wanted the modern touch to meet an older world theme. And I think it looks..." He scanned Kaneki's body again.

Kaneki raised a brow. "Ridiculous?" He asked.

Uta's eyes met his, and he shook his head. "Perfect."

 _ **7777777**_

"What do you mean, it's going to rain?"

Kaneki bolted out of bed when he heard Uta shout. He wasn't sure what was going on, but Uta didn't shout, and he felt his kagune push him out of bed and through the door when he heard it, moving down the stairs. He found Uta holding the shop phone in his hand, back to him. Kaneki hit the floor hard, and Uta turned around, and shook his head. "Hold on a minute." He muted the mic and held his hands up, opened out toward Kaneki. "Ken?"

His voice was soft. He only let Uta call him Ken. And he only did it when Kaneki was a little too far over the edge. Kaneki looked around, breathing heavy. "You were shouting." He said, straightening up a little.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were awake." Uta said softly. "I'm just on the phone. Will you put the kagune away for me?" He was gentle when he reached out and stroked one clawlike tentacle, sending sparks flying through Kaneki straight into his cock. "Please. I love them, just like I love you, but we're both safe. I'm safe. You're safe." He stroked again. "You're safe Ken. You're safe."

Kaneki shivered when he touched the flesh there. He didn't want to put the kagune away when he stroked them like that, sent that delicious feeling winging through his body. He wanted _more_. "But..."

Uta smiled. "It's alright. I'll finish what I've started. All I'm asking is that you put your kagune away for a little while, so I can be sure that you're sure you're safe." He whispered. "I'm just on the phone, love. Just on the phone talking to the florist. It's alright."

Florist. Wedding. Right. Uta had asked him to marry him because of this. This panic. Kaneki blinked, turning his eyes down and putting the kagune away.

"I'm sorry." Kaneki's voice broke when he said it. "I heard you shout and just didn't think."

Uta reached up and slipped his hands behind Kaneki's neck to hold him. "Don't apologize, love. I understand completely. But you're safe now, Kaneki. You're safe. I love you, and I won't let anything hurt you." Uta promised.

"I know you wouldn't. It's part of the reason I feel like such an ass." Kaneki answered. "You would never call for me in a situation like that. If something went wrong you'd be more than capable of handling it."

Uta traced a little pattern on the back of Kaneki's neck before twisting his fingers in his hair. "Go upstairs. Take your clothes off. Wait for me." Uta demanded softly.

Kaneki nodded, seeming almost ashamed of the heat that flooded his eyes when Uta spoke those words, and slipped out of his hands. Uta waited till he was upstairs to pick up the phone and growl at Itori again. "What the hell do you mean the flight got delayed? It's not tsunami season."

"Well, no, not for us, and not for them either, but there's a big one rolling in off that island and they're worried." Itori answered.

"Itori, so help me,..."

"I didn't cause it! What am I supposed to do?" She asked.

Uta growled. "Find an alternate means, because I am taking him off this island so he can actually calm down. If I have to hi jack a boat, we will fucking get there." He answered.

"You got it." She sighed.

Uta slapped the phone closed and silenced it. She'd leave a message if she resolved it one way or the other. He went upstairs to find Kaneki had done as he asked, and resolved to put the honeymoon issues out of his mind. For at least another few hours.

 _ **7777777**_

The day of was the hardest for them both. Kaneki still chafed against being the one to do the walking, especially with the Aogiri crowd out there and his Clowns, and the yukata being his outfit. But Uta promised him that he could get out of it as soon as they were done with the ceremony. Kaneki had startled when Uta had disappeared to change himself into the all black tuxedo that Kaneki had chosen for Uta to wear. He had to admit that it was nice, with slight contrast in the light grey pinstriping running vertically down the suit jacket and pants, though the three buttons was a little nineties. He had the top two buttoned over the shirt and vest when he smelled more than heard Kaneki panicking. The sweat and blood was heady with fear, and Uta was sliding on the runner over the slick wood as he slid to run after the scent, to Kaneki, to see what was wrong.

He found Kaneki half dressed in the other room, snarling breath through his mouth, teeth buried in his hand and tears running down his face. "Kaneki!" Uta cried, running to him to catch his hand and pull it away from his mouth. "What are you doing?"

Kaneki threw his other arm around Uta. "Where did you go?" He cried.

"I was only down the hallway, Kaneki. I was only a few doors away. Please, please, stop crying. It's okay." Uta answered, petting his hair.

Kaneki bit his lip, pressing his eyes shut tightly and grinding his teeth. "I'm sorry." He released the words in an almost pathetic tone of voice, like he thought Uta was under the impression he was weak.

Uta shook his head. "Just stop. You have nothing to apologize for. You're still scared. You have every reason to be scared. I will never understand why you came to the most dangerous ward to seek sanctuary just because I was there, but I am excessively glad that you did. You're with me. You're safe. A few walls aren't going to stop me." He suggested. "If this were my building I would have already put holes in the wall to check on you."

Kaneki continued to sob, so Uta thought to distract him. "Where's the Kirishima's? Ayato was supposed to be here with Touka, wasn't he?" Uta asked.

Kaneki nodded, wiping his eyes. "Yeah. He's already downstairs I think. Do you want to talk to him?" He asked.

Uta shook his head. "I was just making sure he was here. You like to keep an eye on them. You keep an eye on everyone actually." He answered.

"No I don't." Kaneki denied.

"Where's Yomo?" Uta asked.

"In the next room over." He paused. "That doesn't mean anything."

"Hinami?" Uta asked.

"With Ayato. She's with him a lot actually." He pulled back with a chagrined expression. "Okay, shut up."

Uta smiled like he did only for Kaneki. "There you are." He teased. "I was very much hoping to marry you today, and I wasn't sure you'd make it."

Kaneki smiled a little. "I made it. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle like that. I just...I don't even know..." He laid his head back on Uta's shoulder, seeming much more calm now.

"You hate the yukata." Uta teased. "I think it looks perfect." He pulled Kaneki's head against his shoulder for a reassuring embrace before cupping his face between his hands. "You're going to be fine, Kaneki. I love you, and there's nothing in the world that can hurt you while I'm here."

It took a moment of calming him down, but then Uta was able to help him into the yukata and get it tied on. When he tried to remove the eyepatch from Kaneki's face, though, Kaneki shook his head. There were parts of himself he still wasn't comfortable with, and that eye was one of them after everything, but Uta wanted to see the kakugan when he married the man. He wanted to know him completely. When he said as much, Kaneki just touched the eyepatch, then put his head down, sitting in the wooden chair in the room. Uta left him there to decide what he would do on his own, and met Yomo out in the front.

The ceremony went quickly after the Aogiri side's snickers died down after Kaneki came out. Uta almost didn't believe how quickly it went. The ceremony was small, soft, and Kaneki seemed almost perfectly icy on the outside, only answering Yoshimura while he officiated them and nodding to Uta when he asked if Kaneki was alright. Hinami was giggling, holding Ayato's hand, and smiling. Nico wiped his eyes and waved at Uta and leaned on Itori and Itori was waving a camera and laughing hysterically. She was making Kaneki's face go bright red, and Uta enjoyed that gentle color change on his normally sullen face. Touka and Nishio seemed altogether shocked, but Nishio was pretty distracted by Kimi's face, and he seemed to glance around at the building and back at her with a gleam in his eyes.

They kissed for the first time as officially married, and Uta felt Kaneki was still very far away, even though he was right in Uta's hands.

 _ **7777777**_

The reception was held at Itori's bar. The only way Itori felt she could appease Uta after the honeymoon snag and the ruining of the surprise guests, but she made sure there was food for the human guest and well disguised ghoul treats as well. Uta wasn't actually entirely sure how she'd gotten so much done in so little a time, but Helter Skelter didn't look at all like itself. Fairy lights were wrapped around nearly every conceivable crevice, and candles were lit in every open space, lining the bar and wrapping around the table Kaneki and Uta were forced to the moment they arrived. Kaneki was skittish around the flames, but he hid it well. Only a well-trained eye would have noticed it at all, and Uta's was the only well-trained eye in the room when it came to his lover.

His husband. Uta gave a soft grin at that, taking Kaneki's hand and giving slight pressure to the hand, wrapped in white gloves to match the new outfit. He had relented and allowed Kaneki into a white suit he had gotten in case the yukata hadn't fit, only removing the suit jacket of the black suit he'd worn to make it seem planned. His shirt was black, as well as the waistcoat, all the same shade as he his slacks and shoes, so he and Kaneki were a perfect opposite, old world elegance.

Kaneki glanced over at him. "What?" He whispered, leaning off the other gloved palm to lean close to Uta.

Itori grinned, smiling and cheering, starting a now-familiar chant. "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" Slowly, each Clown took up the chant, then everyone else, the Aogiri crowd louder and more teasingly so than the others. Kaneki started to turn and glare, but Uta smiled and pulled him close, pressing a kiss to Kaneki's lips. When he pulled away, Kaneki turned bright red and attempted to pull away his face. Uta held fast.

"I have the official right to kiss you in public and display my temper when someone wants you now, Kaneki. Will you really try to deprive me of that immediately just because Ayato is too much of a coward to ask Hinami?" He asked. "Or Touka to ask Hideyoshi?"

Kaneki shrugged. "Commitment issues seem to be their common symptom." Kaneki answered.

"You're dodging the question." Uta confronted him.

Kaneki glanced away from Uta, but Uta dragged him back for another kiss. They were both breathless when they pulled away, but Uta spoke through it. "They're only teasing you. I don't care that they see. Do you?" He asked.

Kaneki bit his lips, then shook his head tentatively. His voice was a hoarse non-sound when he spoke. "No." He answered.

Uta grinned, squeezing his hand, but now, Itori was standing up all but shattering her wine glass, and it was shocking enough she was using a glass, to get everyone's attention. God only knew in the dress she was wearing, she needed no help with that. But when all were quiet, she lifted her glass. "I think we've spent enough time dicking around! Speeches are in order, I demand it!" She threw back her glass and looked around. "Who wants to start?"

Kaneki groaned softly. "Oh Jesus." He muttered, putting his forehead against Uta's shoulder. "She's tried to set us on fire and kill me with embarassment, and now she's moving on to public speaking? I swear to God..."

Hide's hand went up, and he was already on his feet, adjusting a dorky bowtie and smiling from ear to ear. Kaneki groaned a little louder, bumping Uta's shoulder with his forehead again, but Hide was already on the move.

"Kaneki is a huge dork!" Hide started. "He reads dark, creepy books and doesn't talk much unless it's some type of sappy thing. And he's in love...with this guy." Hide motioned at Uta with both hands open. "Now, from what I hear, the first time they met, it ended up with Kaneki on his back and all, but dude. _This guy_ scared you, but not _this one_?" He thumbed at Ayato. "Your priorities have always been a little backwards. I mean, seriously. I've seen you stop and look at the human version of this guy and ask if he needed help." He smiled, shaking his head. "Kaneki was always a little backwards. I'm not stupid. I can put two and two together. So seeing these two together after everything that has happened to put Kaneki on edge, and jump at his own reflection in some water, and look Touka dead in the eye without so much as a flinch. Because this guy is the only one I know of who could handle him then, and he's probably the only one who could handle him now." He raised a glass off the table that he'd been drinking out of and lifted it up, surprisingly getting the rest of the ghouls to raise their glasses as well. "Be happy, dude, you deserve it. You too, Uta, who I hardly even know."

After the toast was made, Hide sat, and Touka begrudgingly stood up beside him. "At first, I hated Kaneki. He was the embodiement of everything I'd ever wanted to have, just for my families sake if not for the sake of myself after they were all gone. I wanted to be what he had been, and he was sobbing over what I was. I thought he was weak, and I thought he was terrified, and that he would probably be dead in less than a month. I was... I was wrong. Kaneki was determined to make things change. He was determined to protect human life as well as ghouls, to the point where he took bodily harm just to keep us safe." She glanced to Hinami, and rubbed her own arm. "He taught Hinami even though she near terrified him at first, and was polite and honest with Uta and myself even though we scared the shit out of him. He demonstrated the strongest will I've ever seen, and kept pushing himself with Yomo to make himself strong enough to take on everyone. He was better than I was, and he's made me better, and I'm proud to have known him. Uta was a guy I would never have pictured him with, but I think he hoodwinked us all with that one. I can see it in his eyes when normally all I see is nothing there. Uta loves Kaneki, and Kaneki needs that more than ever now." She clenched her glass in her hand, glancing up for the first time. She cleared her throat. "Can I sit down now?"

Itori raised her glass, nodding regally. "You may."

Kaneki was turning beet red, burying his face into Uta's shoulder. Uta smiled, petting Kaneki's head. "Take a drink." He whispered. "Calm down."

Kaneki did just that, lifting his glass to his lips and taking a deep swallow. When he put it down, Ayato stood up. Kaneki wanted to bash his head into the table.

"I don't know much, but I do know this." He pointed at Uta. "That guy tore the top off of Noro with the help of his other friend." He pointed at Kaneki. "That guy managed to beat me after just breaking loose from some serious physical fuck up." He put his hands down, crossing them across his chest after he'd finished that. "My sister is an idiot to think he was weak, even if it was my original opinion too. I knew after five minutes that he was better than that. After the explosion, he didn't even try to go back. He stuck with us. Most people would call that insane. I think most people would be right. We've needed him with us since he's been here, and I've heard the stories about his choice of mate. If he needs anyone, it's this guy. This is the type of duo I don't want to fuck with."

Ayato sat down again, and the Aogiri raised an odd section of seemingly appreciative, agreeing glasses. The others chuckled and coughed, but Itori accepted the offering. Hinami stood up almost before Itori had downed another glass of wine.

"Kaneki was always really nice to me. So was Mr. Uta. Kaneki taught me to read, and helped me understand that I'm not the monster people want us all to think we are, and Mr. Uta helped me hide my face from others who would try to hurt me. I know there's bad in both of them, it has to be there somewhere, but I can't see it, and I don't think I'll ever see it. Mr. Uta will be good for Kaneki to feel better, and I think Kaneki will be good for Mr. Uta to smile more in public. I like seeing Mr. Uta smile, and I like seeing Kaneki feel better. So I hope you guys are happy, and thank you for being such great friends." She said.

There was a chorus of people crowing 'here, here', and Itori smiled at the simple, kind speech. No one could miss Ayato sneak his hand over to hers and squeeze it, but no one said anything. Kaneki was leaning his head on Uta's shoulder, his eyes drooping a little, though not with exhaustion. He watched Kimi stand up.

"I feel like everyone's talking about Kaneki, and I wish I knew more about Mr. Uta to say something about him, but from what I know of him, he's a kind man, and protective of Kaneki. Maybe not gentle when it counts, but whenever I've seen Kaneki with him, needing a gentle hand or guiding touch, Mr. Uta is there to provide it. He doesn't interfere when he knows it won't help, and the last thing he wants to do is hurt Kaneki. And even I can see the difference in Kimi from the time we first met when he carried Nishiki back to me and helped him save my life, to now. He needs that guiding touch now more than ever, and I hope that, so long as you both shall live, you live happily with each other." She suggested, lifting her glass, filled with bubbly champagne she was nursing responsibly. "To the newlyweds."

As the gentle applause died down, and Kimi sat down, Nishio stood up. Touka rolled her eyes. "The first glance of class we've had all night, and Nishitty's gonna stand up and ruin it." She muttered loudly, as if she wanted to be heard.

Nishio turned and gave her a narrow-eyed glare before turning to face Kaneki. His hands slid into his pockets. "Kaneki." He started. "You little _shit_."

"Yep." Touka grumbled. "There it goes."

There were suppressed snickers from around the room. Nishio ignored them. "You just had to go and get married before me. How did that even happen? You were the dork, the bookworm, the sissy. He is a badass with talent and a pair of balls on him that make sure he doesn't always question his next move. I have a cute girl, with a slick attitude, and spine enough that she can stand up to me, or beside me if she wants, and I'm slick and smart. I still don't get it. I doubt I ever will. I mean, really, bipolar bookworm dork and a tattooed mask-making demolition machine. What the fuck are we supposed to do with that?" He asked.

Kimi stood up behind him, covering his mouth. "And that's the end of Nishiki's toast, and he wishes you all the best." She covered coolly, pulling him down beside her.

The room erupted into laughter, Kaneki covering his eyes with his hand so he could just ignore the asshole. When all the merriment died down, Itori stood up. Uta groaned this time. "Here we go." He muttered.

Kaneki smiled a little. "Take a drink. Calm down." He mocked.

Uta rolled his eyes.

Itori gave a deceptively sweet smile. "I know plenty about Uta to share, and would be happy to do so. Uta was a crazy teenager, whose favorite thing was mayhem. Fighting with Ren was just one of the things he did at every turn, but we somehow managed to become our own little terror squad after the fourth ward was torn to the complete shithole it is today, if not a little more so. I honestly never thought Uta would mellow out, and really, I doubt he actually has. He is, after all, one hell of a mask maker, and the masks he wears when he's with others is probably impenetrable. To everyone, it seems, but Kaneki. Kaneki was this scared little shrimp of a kid, who frightened with no more than a boo on Uta's part, but he saw right through every outerwear Uta put on to the person that I know has to be in there somewhere. And he's bonded with Uta, bonded so strongly that I think nothing will ever pull them apart. Uta has never backed off from anyone, told us to back off from a plan, or left any chips of his soul laid bare. But Kaneki has gotten underneath his defenses, and now he's just cuddled in there tight with our deceptively scary Uta, and I can't hardly tell who is protecting whom some days. So, to our now official psychofuck family, cheers! And good luck." She lifted her glass high in the air and poured it into her mouth.

Uta sighed in relief, sitting back, and took a sip from his glass. Just as he was relaxing, Itori swallowed hard, clearing her throat. "Oh, and one more thing! Kaneki, honey, I hope he's good in the sack, because you're stuck with him now!" She crowed.

Uta threw what he thought was a finger at her, and she caught it with her teeth in the nick of time. "That is in place of the hand motion I would give you if there weren't children in the room." He growled, and Kaneki settled his hand on Uta's knee, squeezing for just a moment.

Yoshimura stood then, to calm the storm in the room, and everyone fell hushed. "I would say a few words, if I may." He said, looking to Kaneki and Uta.

Kaneki nodded. He was surprised Yoshimura wanted to say anything at all. He hadn't spoken with the man in a while, and he was sure Yoshimura would have been upset with him for it. But he wasn't.

"I am glad to say that I have been here long enough to see growth out of both of these men. Uta was hotheaded and reckless, though he never left anything to chance in his own life, and Kaneki was soft-hearted and hard-headed. I knew from the start that the pair of them were destined for more than just a few chance meetings. Uta was curious about Kaneki, and Kaneki was drawn to Uta, which in turn drew Uta to him. They grew a friendship under turmoil that brewed secretly, and a relationship under that. When Kaneki needed help and safety, he would turn to Uta before anything else. Now, this pair has reached the peak, where I hope they can see another mountain to climb in their journey together. The two were perfect for each another's growth, and now they will grow as one forever all time."

The room was quiet, solemn, and Yoshimura smiled gently at them. "I think that's enough from us. Will you finish us out please?" He asked.

Uta stood up, and Kaneki's hands turned to fists in his lap. He didn't dare look up at anyone, and Uta merely reached down and took his hand. "When we first met, I had no idea what would become you. I knew you were intelligent, if a little small-minded, but you grew fast, and smart, and you grew brave to defend those you loved. You defended Touka from her brother, and from her brother's bad connection, and it resulted in putting you through hell. I wish I had time enough to have planned this out so much better. To give you a perfect, dream wedding if you ever wanted one, and to make this work out perfectly. But I didn't have that time. Fear and insecurities that make you as flawless as the very first day we met nearly took you from me, and I couldn't let that happen again. You needed me, and I wasn't there for you like I should have been." Kaneki looked up to see a single tear running down Uta's cheek. His own eyes watered with it. "So I want to be there for you. Through every scream and every nightmare. Through every laugh and perfect dream. Every night you wake up sweating and vomiting from fear, and every night you sleep like a rock. I want you to be safe to come running when I shout, and to unleash unholy hell on someone for reaching for me, or to sit by me and tap your nails against the table while I work. You are not a burden on me. You're not too heavy to bear. I will carry you through a thousand worlds, and ten thousand lifetimes, so long as you will have me." WIth that he leaned down and kissed Kaneki's gloved hand like an old world gentleman. "I love you Ken." He whispered.

It was quiet for a moment as Kaneki nodded and stood to meet Uta. He reached up and touched the side of Uta's face, wiping away the tear and leaning in to press his lips to Uta's once, carefully. When he leaned back, Uta stood back a little before Kaneki nodded at him to say it was okay to sit down. He looked up at everyone, and then at Yomo.

"Yomo?" He asked, holding up a hand.

Yomo nodded, reaching into the inner pocket of his jacket and tossing the leatherbound journal at him that had started it all. Kaneki opened it up to the very back page and left it there. It was worn to lay flat in that spot even when he pulled his hands away from it, and Kaneki curled his hands into fists at his side. His eyes were already watering and he had to scrub at it with his sleeve, leaving a streak of red where his kakugan eye had activated, leaving red tears pooling there too. "I'm sorry." He barked gruffly. "I'm not a public speaker."

No one seemed to judge him. They all watched him standing there, shaking, fighting tears, hands in fists at his side. Uta reached up after a moment to try to tug him into the chair, to tell him it was alright, and that he didn't have to do it. But he wouldn't sit down.

"I wrote this down in here because I thought that it would make it easier to say. I've said before that I love you, but it isn't easy for me. Everyone here knows what happened to me, some more than others, so expressing anything generally was a bad idea. If I did, it only got worse. But I'm going to say it." Kaneki started.

"I was born to a neglectful, abusive mother, and that was how I knew her. I thought she was kind, but that was because I blocked most of it out. No one knew about that. Not my best friend. Not my aunt. Not even you. I guess that's why being this way now is so much harder. I was never told that just sitting there and letting it happen was not the way to handle it. My whole life has been lived mistrusting others and hoping that they would stay long enough to do what my mother never did. To love me. To choose me. No one ever really did that. Not when I was fully human. I only ever had one person I could always count on, but he needed his time, his space, and I couldn't chance telling him that and ruining his life just to save my own. Then I became nonhuman, the so-called monsters the TV warned people about. I was scared, again, and my only choice was to try to find someone who would choose me, help me, in their world. I got help, but not really acceptance. I could feel it and see it. I was still other, still alone, because there was only me. I thought I'd never be loved." His voice started choking as he reached down to turn the page. He didn't look at anyone. If he did, he knew he would lose steam, because they would laugh, or he would see pity, or judgement. He didn't want pity, or their judgement.

"But then I met you. The day I walked into HySy ArtMask Studio, I met a man who I thought a little bit scary and a little bit strange, but who just felt like...home. He felt warm, and safe, and I knew I would be back just to see him if I could again. He also felt _same_ , like he also felt the way I did. I could feel his own loneliness calling me, and I needed to save someone from this empty clawing hole left by my mother in my chest. I came by frequently, and I fell in love. I know I'm broken now, there's no other word for what I am. But I've always been broken. Now it just shows. I won't hold it back now. I can't. I'm broken, and my mind doesn't work the way it should. I am a handful to keep in one piece, and there's no one who could want this trashed body or this soul. But I want to stick around, just to let you know that someone loves you. Someone chose you. I chose you, and I will always choose you, no matter how many times you ask me to choose. If it..." He had to bite his lip and force himself to look up at Banjou, tears brimming his eyes making it hard to read the words on the page. His teeth ground together, and he forced the words out. "If it were up to someone else, and they had to choose to save one of us, I would choose you to live. If it came down to one of us or both, I would gladly choose to die a thousand times over just to make sure you didn't." He looked in Uta's direction, though not into his eyes. "I wish I love you were strong enough words, because I need you to know how much I really do love you."

The room was dead quiet, and Kaneki could feel his whole body shaking intensely. He felt every pair of eyes in the room on him, Aogiri, Anteiku, Clowns alike, all watching Kaneki in horror. The things he had just admitted to. The words he had just said. They were nothing like the kind words that everyone else had said, the lighthearted, easy message that even Uta had managed to deliver. He had ruined it. His fists clenched tighter by his side. "I'm sorry." He choked out, his throat dry and his eyes pouring tears.

Uta stood in a blur of motion that made Kaneki flinch, and then the tattooed arms were pulling the white-haired ghoul to his chest, and he was holding him tightly there. Kaneki felt his breath against his skin, and the uneven gait of his heart. "You never told me." Uta whispered in askance in his ear.

"It wasn't important. I wanted to help you know that somebody would choose you. I choose you, Uta. I love you." He answered, his voice choked, fists pressed tightly to Uta's back to hold him there. "I wouldn't choose anyone else."

"You should have told me. You should have said something. I don't know how to help if I don't know what's wrong." Uta whispered. "I'm so sorry Kaneki. I'm so sorry. I love you. I love you so much."

Kaneki buried his face into the shoulder of Uta's suit, pulling him closer so he could muffle the sounds. Kaneki did love this man. He loved him very much. He wanted to never let Uta go. He loved the ghoul to death, and he wasn't sure what he would do without him.

But of course, who ever said that the toasts were the easy part?


	3. Chapter 3

Kaneki followed Uta out to the taxi that was waiting for them, and got in when Uta asked him to step in first. Uta helped the cabbie load the bags into the trunk while Kaneki got used to the disgusting smell of the backseat of the cab, and laid down his hoodie for Uta to sit on. The seat had a questionable stain on it that made Kaneki uncomfortable, but he wasn't going to tell Uta that. It wasn't all that important that Uta know this thing was gross. He'd probably think that anyway.

Uta slid in after a moment, taking Kaneki's hand when he did, and looked down at the jacket and back up to Kaneki. "Why?" He asked.

Kaneki gave him a strange face. "Gross stain on the seat. Didn't want you sitting on it." He explained.

Uta rolled his eyes. "You're silly. So, are you excited?" He asked, pulling Kaneki to his lap.

"I've never even been off this island." He answered. "You won't tell me where we're going. Excited isn't the word I'd use."

Uta brushed Kaneki's hair away from his face. "Don't be scared. Would I take you anywhere that would let you get hurt?" He asked.

Kaneki shook his head. "I know. I know you wouldn't. I love that you wouldn't. I'm just...strung up. High strung? I can't even think of the word I want to use." He said, dropping his head to Uta's shoulder.

Uta smiled, laying his hand over his husband's scalp. Husband. He snorted. "I don't think I'll ever get used to thinking the word husband. I've become so accustomed to mate, but now I've got options." He told Kaneki in a low voice.

Kaneki smiled. Uta could feel that much against his skin. "I liked thinking of you as my lover. You said something about being my mate and for a little while, I felt like some kind of animal, but it grew on me. I got really possessive of that title. We were already bound together, but now we have the human word." He answered.

Uta loved that he thought of them that way. "You're still my lover. You're still my mate. You will always, _always_ be my mate. No one will take that from you. No one will take you from me. I'll find you from the next life and I'll wait for you at each one." He answered, nipping Kaneki's ear lobe.

"You won't have to wait long." Kaneki said, sounding unaffected by the touch that normal sent him flaming. "You're not going to the next life without me."

Uta's arm tightened around Kaneki. "What do you want to do to me with that? Do you try to scare me with those words?" He whispered, closing his eyes to touch his forehead to Kaneki's.

The cabbie was driving fast, the divider pulled shut, and they were completely alone with each other that way for the first time in at least five hours. They wouldn't be completely alone until they got where they were going, but it was enough to hold this conversation.

"I would never try to scare you. I just want you to know the truth. If you go first, you won't be long without me." Kaneki said, still completely implacable.

Uta wrapped his arms around Kaneki fully now, pulling him close. "Stop. Stop talking." He answered, holding him close. "You are wonderful in your loyalty, but Kaneki, please, don't do that. You have a life to live without me. You always have and you will again if I die before you. When Yoshimura said that we would travel as one forever, he was right. I will always be there, even if I'm not standing right beside you."

Kaneki wrapped his arm around Uta's neck. "It's alright. You don't need to worry about it." Kaneki said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

Uta nipped Kaneki's ear again. "I know you didn't. I'm okay. I just don't like to hear you talk like that." He said.

Kaneki nodded, sighing. "Because of the journal." He sounded upset, but his voice gave nothing else away.

"That's part of it." Uta said, pulling more of Kaneki's hair out of his face. "Part of it is knowing that you would actually do it, because of those words I read. Another part of it is that I hate the idea of you in so much pain that you feel that is the one thing that will make it stop. Another part is imagining you dead. I couldn't stand you being out of my reach like that again. I told Touka and Nishio that I was coming to help raid Aogiri and get you back just because I couldn't leave a valued customer like that, but Yoshimura and Yomo knew my real reasons. I couldn't leave you there because I needed you." He nipped Kaneki again.

Kaneki shuddered again. "That's the third time you've done that, and I'm thinking that you're trying to do it to drive me up a wall. We cannot be having sex in the back of a cab. Especially this one." He answered.

Uta grinned. "So you were noticing."

"We were holding a conversation that needed to be had. I was trying to be calm enough to do something like a normal individual, but that doesn't seem possible in my life anymore." Kaneki replied.

"I love the crazy in you Kaneki." Uta let his voice drop a register. "I love it when you get wild, and beg me to touch you more, and all the things you do when I push you close enough to that edge. Don't try to be something you aren't just for me. I know you Kaneki, and I know just how to push you."

Kaneki turned his eyes on Uta and the veins in his face told Uta how hard Kaneki was holding onto his control. "You can't give me what I need in the back of this cab with the cabbie in here." He leaned forward to settle his lips against Uta's ear. "We'd have to kill him after everything he'd see."

Uta smiled. "You are so wonderful." He answered.

 _ **7777777**_

It took a total of three hours by cab to get to the marina where Uta unloaded the bags. Kaneki's brows came together. In all the time they had been together, Uta had never mentioned boating in his repetoire of fancy things he could do. It was a large repetoire, though, so Kaneki guessed he had plenty to learn about Uta still. Which made sense. Uta hadn't seen his recently acquired skills with a knife yet either.

Uta led Kaneki to the boat that sat there on the dock, and once everything was inside, which was really more Uta's stuff than Kaneki's, the tattooed ghoul turned on the engine and they were puttering out over the water. Kaneki raised a brow.

"Where are we going? If it's in boating distance it can't be far." He asked.

Uta grinned over his shoulder. "Go below deck and I'll come get you when we're there. I promise you're safe with me here, Kaneki." He promised.

Kaneki sighed, glaring up at the sun as it set before doing as Uta suggested. Below deck wasn't cramped, but it wasn't roomy either. He had to shuffle by the wall to get to the little hanging bed there and lay down, but when he did, he realized how exhausted he was. This whole ordeal had been absolutely draining on his self-control, much less his self-esteem. He was completely sapped of all energy, and he really did need to rest. He was running on straight adrenaline and manic energy.

He fell asleep and dreamed of the unfortunate food fight at Itori's before they had left, in which who came from which organization stopped mattering completely for a total of ten minutes. It had all started with that finger Uta had thrown at Itori. After everyone had recovered from the shock of it all, Aogiri had eased the tension considerably with a recounting of the absolute ass beating Ayato had taken after it, to which Yomo had brought up Noro again, and everyone settled into easy conversation again. Well, easy for this set of people in the room. Every one of them were bad ass in their own way. Itori had thrown another finger at Uta, and he'd immediately locked a devious glare on Itori. He'd warned Kaneki to duck, and then thrown an entire hand from the bar behind him at her, which she ducked. And it hit Nishio, which sent Kimi squealing. He'd grabbed the nearest bit of food, her cake, and thrown it at Uta. Uta had ducked in fine style, but Kaneki had been laughing at Nishio, and it landed square in his mouth. After vomiting over the bar into a conveniently placed trash can, Kaneki had turned with kakugan eye plastered on Nishio, but Kimi had taken much kinder vengeance on Nishio than he would have by rubbing the piece offered her by Hinami into his face without even looking. The room exploded into laughter, and all it had taken was Hide yelling 'food fight' to get tables flipped into defensive positions and human and ghoul food flying. Uta and Kaneki had ducked behind the bar and were found a few minutes later by a laughing Itori kissing behind the bar.

When someone shook him awake, he jolted upright, floundering for the rocking platform to sit still. He caught kakugan eyes and nearly lost his mind, but the hand on his skin was gentle, and his mind finally caught up with Uta standing before him. The rocking was the boat. It was natural ease that the boat rocked with. He was safe.

"Are you alright?" Uta asked.

Kaneki nodded, sighing. "I'm good. I was having a great dream, I just...the rocking startled me." He settled into the gentle rocking motion. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. The port won't let me dock until the morning, so I was going to come down and at least ask if you wanted to see where we're at. It's beautiful up there. I want to draw it before we leave." He told Kaneki.

Kaneki stretched, then shook his head. "No, not right now. I'm tired and high strung all at the same time and it isn't helping my mood any. I just need to be flat worn out." Kaneki answered, laying on his back to look up lazily at Uta.

Uta grinned, pulling the loosened black tie all the way free, and leaned on his arms over the smaller, white-haired ghoul. "I could help you with that, if you'd like."

Kaneki smiled sleepily, curling his fingers in the hair at the nape of Uta's neck. "I'm sure you could." He answered, pulling Uta's face closer to his. "I'd be more than willing to let you try if you want to."

Uta looked down Kaneki's body, mostly undressed but for the white pants and the little blue flower Uta had put in his hair that managed to stay through Kaneki's fitful sleep. "I have been waiting all this ride." He answered, leaning down to bite down hard on Kaneki's neck without breaking his skin. "I plan to mark you in places the world can see, so that they know very clearly who you belong to, Kaneki Ken. I want them to see that you're mine."

He spent the hours till morning doing just that. He woke Kaneki a few hours after dawn saying that they were in port. He caught Kaneki's shirt off of the floor and pulled it over his shoulders, but didn't button it up, merely pulling Kaneki closer and leading him up to the upper deck to get off. Kaneki was still rubbing sleep out of his eyes, but he could register almost immediately that they weren't in Japan anymore. It was much warmer, though Halloween had only been a few weeks ago, and Kaneki wanted to just stop and stand in the sun. But Uta kept him moving, settling him onto another boat, and then they were going again.

This was a smaller speedboat, and Uta pushed it to top speeds to send them flying over the water. Kaneki laid out on the bow of the boat, stretching lazily as the sun warmed his skin. Uta didn't seem like he was looking, but he had the smirk on his face that said he could certainly see Kaneki, and liked what he saw very much. His marks were all over Kaneki's bared flesh, and he was wearing them proudly, displaying each of them.

Uta slowed the boat as he approached the small island they were going to. It was populated, but scarcely so, with mostly the jungle overtaking the space there. He wanted plenty of space for the things he and Kaneki had to handle, and plenty of things to calm Kaneki with. When he pulled up to the docks, he was pleased to see that they were the only ones on the island. Itori had assured him that they would be alone on the island for a long while, so there was no reason to worry, and that a cleaning crew came by bi-weekly, paid very well to keep their mouths shut on whatever they might see, save for one, who was a ghoul himself.

Uta smiled as Kaneki looked up at it. His skin looked flush from lying there, and his eyes were exhilarated, free for the first time in a long time of any fear or pain. It made Uta's heart much lighter than it had been since reading that notebook to see that something made Kaneki happy. Kaneki turned and smiled at Uta as he maneuvered the speed boat up against the dock.

"Are we the only ones here?" Kaneki asked.

Uta nodded, pulling all the speed off and settling them in to coast into the spot. He was going for the ropes, but when he said they were alone, Kaneki released his kagune and gripped the nearest post to hold the boat still long enough to get it tied down. His back stretched and his muscles clenched, and he looked the happiest he'd been in a long while.

Uta stroked the kagune low, near the point where they protruded from his back, watching Kaneki shudder. "You are so wonderful, Kaneki. Thank you for your help." He murmured low in his ear.

Before Kaneki could retaliate, Uta had already leapt onto the dock and was tying down the boat so Kaneki could let go. He did so, but didn't put away the kagune. Uta looked up and saw that, while the wonder was still there, now suspicion had crept in, and he was sniffing the air. Searching for threats.

He sighed. Getting him this far was good enough for now. They had gone this far without Kaneki being suspicious of Uta or anyone around them. He would hope that the place they were in would keep him just as calm as the actual sun and sand outsiide.

Kaneki jumped out before the boat was tied down completely, bags in hand, and had run up onto the shoreline just as Uta finished. For a moment, he was worried that Kaneki had scented something dangerous and was excersizing his new habit of chasing those things down, but then Kaneki put them down and laid in the sand. At first he fidgeted around, but then he settled as the sand cooled against his skin or stopped burning.

Uta crept up as quietly as the sand would allow and knelt beside him, leaning over him and blocking the sun from his face. He reached down and placed his hand on that pale, beautiful skin. It was warm and soft, and the muscles bunched beneath his touch, and all Uta wanted was to unwrap him right there on the beach where any passing vessel could see that Kaneki was his. He considered it seriously for a long moment, especially with the heat in Kaneki's eyes when he opened the kakugan on Uta at the touch, leaning down to offer a passionate kiss to him. But when Kaneki went to reach for Uta's neck to hold him close, Uta pulled back.

"Not right now, love." Uta murmured, catching his breath. "Right now, we need to get our things inside so you can tell me whether or not you feel safe in the house. It's mostly an open floor plan."

Kaneki's arms locked around Uta's neck, holding him there. "Promise me that we will." He begged, sounding desperate. "No matter what, tell me that you'll bring me out here and make love to me on the shore in broad daylight."

Uta let a small smile slip, brushing a tattooed finger down Kaneki's jaw. "You couldn't stop me if you tried." He promised.

Kaneki moaned, leaning up to take Uta's mouth in a kiss one more time, and Uta let him take what he wanted in the kiss before parting their mouths again. "Later, Kaneki. I promise." Uta reassured him.

Kaneki took a deep breath, then nodded, sitting up in the sand and cracking his knuckles, breaking them like he always did. Uta covered Kaneki's fingers with his own, pressing a kiss to the knuckles there, and helped Kaneki stand from the ground. They made their way to a little boardwalk mostly buried in sand, following the path a bit deeper until they came to an expansive house. It was cream colored on the outside, with a glass sliding door as the main entry, and though that made Uta twitchy, he didn't say anything about it. It wasn't his house for a good reason. Open floor plans made him uncomfortable for a multitude of reasons, but most of them he couldn't name.

When they opened the door, it wasn't so bad. It was small, and felt much more open because of the mirror wall in the center of it, separating the kitchen, living room and rec room from the hall that held the bedrooms and bathrooms. The tub was near enough the size of a pool, and there were three bedrooms, each of varying size, though all done in the same soft red and black trim. The rest of the house was covered in a grey that matched a still, empty mirror. All in all, Uta was impressed. It didn't look anything the way he had thought it would, or make him nearly as uncomfortable as he usually was. But he noticed Kaneki didn't want to step into the bedrooms.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

Kaneki glanced up at him, then back at the room. "It's nothing." He answered. "Kind of homey."

Uta didn't believe that for even a little second. "Am I really going to have to guess why you're uncomfortable, Ken?" He asked.

Kaneki's cheeks turned red. "It's not important, Uta. It's small, and I'll get over it." He answered.

Uta sighed, leaning against the doorframe. "The size of the room." Kaneki turned around, but that wasn't it. "The shape of the room." Started walking down the hall toward the mirrored wall, where Uta could see his face. Still not it. "The bed." An eye roll, but that wasn't it either. "The colors."

Kaneki's steps faltered, and Uta looked back at the room behind him. The red and black room was similar to the way their apartment was decorated at home in color. It looked fine to Uta, but the floor was checked tile, that being the only difference. It gave the room a slightly more clinical feel, but also made it more open.

"Why the colors? Don't make me guess again." Uta asked, not threatening but begging. "I just want you to be open with me."

Kaneki looked up in the mirror with tears on his face dripping from his eyes, marking his cheeks with clear and red fluid. "I just wanted to go one day without mentioning it. Just one." He answered, moving out into the livingroom on the other side of the wall.

Uta closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He slammed his fist into the wall, and stared at the webbing from the cracks. They had been doing so well.

Uta found Kaneki sitting on the front porch of the house, his head in his knees and his eyes closed though they still leaked tears. He sat behind Kaneki and wrapped his arms around the white haired ghoul. Uta didn't question what was going on with him, but Kaneki started talking without it.

"I'm sorry." He choked out. "I was having a great time, it was just the tile. The tile in Yamori's playroom was like that. And the red and black was everywhere, and it became so much of motif, that color scheme. I opened my eyes and saw it, and it just meant more pain until I lost it."

Uta nuzzled the back of Kaneki's neck before laying a gentle kiss there. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to. I shouldn't have pressed." He answered. "You struggle enough with this without me making it harder."

Kaneki shook his head. "You were just trying to help. Ignoring it is obviously not working. I get that. I'm just waiting for my heart to stop beating out of my chest for no reason around every corner. I can't even handle fucking checkerboard tile. I'm not helping you any at all with this crap either." He sounded more and more angry as he went on, which made Uta more and more worried.

"You're getting angry at yourself. You have no reason to be. You're looking at this as your fault, Kaneki." Uta wrapped his arms a little tighter around Kaneki and pulled him tighter into his chest. "My sweet, scared Ken, you are not at all to blame for these reactions." He let his voice drop to a lower register, soothing, manipulative. "Besides, I can make you think of other things when you open your eyes to that room. You've been conditioned to expect pain with those things." He took Kaneki's earlobe in his teeth, tugging gently. "I can condition you to expect _absolute_ pleasure. I'll retrain that cracked mind of yours to expect nothing less than everything you've ever wanted when I so much as step near you, much less when I touch you."

Kaneki's breathing was ragged, and his teeth dug into his lip. "You're trying to distract me." He moaned.

"I am, but I mean every word. Would you like me to prove it to you?" Uta asked.

The snow-haired ghoul's head tilted back, and he nodded almost imperceptibly. "Yes...please Uta..." He whimpered when Uta chuckled in his ear.

"Stand up, and close your eyes. You have to trust me that I will not hurt you, okay?" Uta demanded.

Kaneki nodded, having trouble removing his fingers from Uta's arm. "Okay." He made himself stand and turned to Uta like he had asked, and when Uta stood, he closed his eyes. Uta reached out and brushed Kaneki's cheek with his fingers, smiling.

"Thank you." Uta took his hand and led him inside, down the hallway and into the bedroom that had made him so twitchy. He slid his hands under the unbuttoned white shirt on Kaneki's chest, making sure every touch was featherlight. He wanted Kaneki's skin as sensitive as he could make it, and wanted very much to get him as riled as he could. He was going to test Kaneki's every limit in this room, to see where he broke, to see where he needed to help the most. Already, the white-haired man was shaking under Uta's fingertips, but when Kaneki's arms moved behind his back, Uta shook his head, pulling them back around his body to lay them on Uta's own throat at the pulse.

Kaneki's eyes opened wide on Uta, tears still pooled in his eyes, but he didn't say anything aloud for a moment. When he did, Uta could hardly hear it.

"Are you sure you want my hands there?" He asked.

Uta nodded, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "You have to trust me, but you have to trust yourself as well. If you want me to stop, just push. Tell me." He promised.

Kaneki nodded, taking a deep breaath, then closed his eyes again. Uta pulled his shirt down his shoulders, sliding the fabric between his skin and Kaneki's hands until it was free, then dropped it onto the floor. When Kaneki's body was bare from the waist up, he placed his hands back on Kaneki's skin, settling his fingers on the sensitive skin at his waist. It had always sent Kaneki up when Uta gripped his waist just right, even when he wasn't inside of the younger ghoul. He was just as susceptible to that touch clothed as he was unwrapped, disheveled, and at Uta's mercy.

Just as he had hoped, the half-ghoul beneath his hands sucked in a sharp breath and his eyes fluttered, but dropped back down immediately. His body went tense and hard under Uta's fingers, and Uta teased the heavy pulse in his neck with his tongue to add to the flames. "I love the way you react to me when I do that. You're just so soft and tense all at the same time, and it makes me want you more." Uta told Kaneki conversationally. "On your back, with your legs wrapped around my waist. Maybe on your hands and knees. I love you so much Ken."

Kaneki trembled beneath Uta's hands, his lips parting. Uta leaned forward and pressed his own mouth to those little tempting petals on the other man's face, nipping and pulling back gently just as Kaneki began to pull Uta's face to his own. Kaneki moaned, eyelids twitching again, and Uta grinned as he released the lip to watch Kaneki try to chase him forward. He tilted Kaneki's head down, settling him against his chest. "Open your eyes, Kaneki."

Just as he asked the words, he pressed his fingers gently over Kaneki's sensitive flesh at his back, feeling the kakuhou react under the skin to the touch. Kaneki's fingers tightened on the back of Uta's neck, but then he was moaning into the touch, arching back like a cat. Uta smiled. He was sure most found his victory smiles a bit unnerving, but this was definitely a victory. "You're beautiful, Kaneki. I love the way you react to me." He repeated. "I'm going to lay you on your back on the bed."

Kaneki bit his lip, but nodded, and Uta pushed him back until his knees touched the bed and was letting Uta settle most of his weight onto the bed. Uta settled a knee on either side and smiled down at Kaneki. His eyes were heavy-lidded, staring on, and his face was flushed, already breathing heavily. His eyes were confused, but filled with lust enough to dilute the confusion. He rutted up against Uta, and Uta grinned.

"That's right, Kaneki. Show me exactly what you want. I want to see you beg me like you did on the beach, beg me to take you because of the things I plan to do to you in this room, because I'm what will replace that tile. You'll look at me and just go up in flames." He pressed his own erection down into Kaneki's and grinned. "I want my mate. I want the animal in you Kaneki."

Kaneki arched up at the touch, nearly screaming, and rolled his hips up into Uta again. "Please, Uta." He begged.

"What?" Uta asked, leaning close to bring his lips to Kaneki's ear. "What do you want?"

"Stop teasing me. You've been teasing me since we left. Please." Kaneki whimpered, sliding his hand down to Uta's own erection and grinding his palm against it. "Please."

Uta smirked at Kaneki. "Is that what you want?" Uta held Kaneki's hand pressed against his cock. "Tell me, Kaneki."

Kaneki nodded. "Please, Uta, give it to me." Kaneki leaned up from the bed and nipped his lips before sucking the bottom lip into his mouth and biting down harder. "It's mine."

Uta grinned. "There you are." He teased. "There's the mate I was looking for."

Kaneki licked the blood off of his lip, and his kakugan flared up at Uta. "I want it." He slid his hand down the front of Uta's pants, not even bothering with the zipper and belt. "I want what's mine."

Uta nodded, smiling as he stole another kiss from those soft, swollen lips. "Okay." He pulled away, tugging his own shirt off. "Strip."

Kaneki didn't even get up so much as he did arch off the bed enough to slide his pants down his legs, lifting his hips and digging his heels into the mattress, and Uta decided that he would very much enjoy making him replicate that action again and again. He couldn't tell if he needed it more than Kaneki did, but he would be sure to make it happen. When Kaneki was completely bare to the air, Uta stood for a moment, his underwear the only things left, and just drank in the sight before him. He'd always loved Kaneki's naked body, no matter what, but now he scanned the scars. It seemed every time Uta got him back, whether it was a few days later or hours, he had new scars where scars shouldn't form. He had been abused more than his fair share, and he needed someone who could handle those scars as badges of courage and honor. Uta saw them not as blemishes, but beauty. Kaneki was strong. He just didn't realize yet that holding on like this made him strong. Uta would fix that. He'd be sure of it.

Kaneki was still breathing hard, and his face was flushed, watching Uta watch him. "What is it?" He asked.

Uta shook his head, stripping down completely and resuming his position over his body. "You're so beautiful." He promised. "Every mark and curve of this body is beautiful, and I had to admire it." He smiled when Kaneki's eyes turned down like he thought they would, and leaned forward to press another kiss to his lips. "No, Kaneki, you're beautiful. I have artwork for a lover, and a mate, and husband. They're just as beautiful as if they had ink in them, or paint on a canvas."

Kaneki glanced back up at Uta and wrapped his arms around Uta's throat. "You're teasing me again." Kaneki whispered.

Uta dove for the nearest mark, one high up on his neck, and gave it a soft lick. Kaneki gasped. "Tell me what each one was." He demanded. "I want to hear it. We'll face it one mark at a time."

"H-He..." Kaneki broke off for a minute, obviously conflicted in how to react. Uta waited. He would make him love these marks as much as Uta did. "He tried to see how long...how long it would take for my scalp to grow back with RC suppresants in my bloodstream."

Uta licked it again, pressing a gentle kiss to his body against the mark after Kaneki was finished. "Very good." Uta promised.

He moved along Kaneki's body to each mark, avoiding the ones he knew that he himself had made with his teeth or a grip too tight, or with kagune to drink him up. He heard the story behind each one, then moved to his first mark. He pressed his teeth to a mark he'd left on his skin before licking it as well. Kaneki's chest heaved with exertion, or the lack thereof when all he wanted was to fight the gentle touches to the marks of previous mishandling, and his face grew confused again.

"You made that one." He reminded Uta.

Uta looked up at him. "And? Tell me." He suckled the mark of his teeth. "What were we doing when I left it?"

Kaneki swallowed hard, making sure his eyes didn't meet Uta's. "This." He said softly.

Uta continued to pay loving affection to the mark. "You have to do better than that, Kaneki. You remember the exact circumstance of every mark I ever gave you, so what happened here?" He asked.

"Y...You...You put me on my hands and knees and you were dragging your nails down my back when one of the marks started bleeding. It healed too fast for you to enjoy it, so you leaned down and said as much before you bit me." Kaneki answered.

Uta hummed over the mark. "You taste wonderful Kaneki. You really do." He promised.

Kaneki's fingers curled in the hair at the nape of Uta's neck. "Take your hair down, please." Kaneki requested.

Uta blinked at the request, but did as Kaneki asked. Kaneki ran his fingers through it, and Uta allowed himself the briefest moment's pause to enjoy that feeling before he bent his mouth to the next mark that he had also made. Kaneki got the game pretty quickly, and continued as he had with the others until Uta rose to meet his eyes again face to face. "You are beautiful, each and every mark makes you even more so, and you have no right to hate the body that drives me so wild." Uta told him. "You are mine, body, mind, soul. All of you belongs to me. This body is mine, and I love every inch of it."

Kaneki shuddered at the praise, closing his eyes tightly again and taking a deep breath. "Why?" He asked.

"Because each little mark is a new reason you are strong, and trusting. Each one is a perfect trait inside you, and I love you with each of these traits. You're loving, and kind even past all the anger and fear, and strong. No one should be able to take these wounds and live, especially not after escaping only to go back in fighting straight away. You are amazing, and each scar you bear, I think they're beautiful. Wear them proudly, Ken. I love them. I love you." Uta whispered, pressing his lips to what he decided was his favorite of all of Kaneki's scars, the scar over his heart Uta had left with his teeth and a sharp bite. "I love you."

Kaneki curled his fingers in Uta's hair and pulled his mouth against the white haired ghoul with a sharp tug, pulling him in close. He curved his hips up into Uta's and Uta moaned into the touch, smiling as he reached down to take hold of Kaneki and stroke him, give him what he'd asked for. Kaneki gasped, releasing Uta's mouth, and Uta held that lower lip in his teeth, grinning.

"More." Kaneki begged.

Uta nodded, gripping him tighter and stroking, using his other hand to balance close to the spot at his waist, and made sure Kaneki felt the hot length of his own erection burning against his thigh. "Do you want this, Kaneki?" He asked, teasing the man again.

Kaneki nodded, burying his teeth in his lip. "I want you inside me, so much, Uta. Please. I want your nails on my back again. I want another scar from your teeth. Please." He begged.

Uta shivered at the needy desperation in his voice. "Get on your hands and knees." He ordered, standing up to allow the movement that Kaneki made willingly. Uta crawled onto the bed behind Kaneki, crawling behind him, and took his time preparing Kaneki for what was about to happen. He started with his mouth on that sensitive entrance, lubricating it with his saliva before sliding a long, slender finger deep. Kaneki whimpered, but when Uta stopped to be sure he wasn't in pain, he impaled himself back on it. Uta smirked.

"You're so cute when you're impatient." He told Kaneki.

WIthout warning, he slid two more in, and Kaneki rumbled like a very happy kitten, pushing back onto Uta's fingers until Uta found the spot he wanted that sent Kaneki shivering and begging for Uta to hurry. The impatience was adorable, he had to admit, and he loved the sounds he was making. Uta pressed a kiss to his kakuhou before sweeping up his back with his tongue, feeling the shivers in the body beneath him even as he did it before taking the shell of Kaneki's ear with his teeth.

Uta pressed inside of Kaneki as he slid his fingers out, and Kaneki whimpered a high pitched wail, pressing his forehead into the bed and stifling his moans with his hand. Uta shook his head, sliding his palm along Kaneki's back to rub his kakuhou to make him relax. "Let me hear you, Kaneki, please." Uta begged.

Kaneki was tight around him, and felt so wonderful stretching over his cock, and Uta didn't want to miss anything of Kaneki. The younger man moved his hands, turning his head to look at Uta over his shoulder, and whimpered. "More." He begged. "Please."

Uta rubbed the spot again. "Release it." He knew Kaneki knew what he meant when the slick red tendrils extended out and curled around Kaneki like the legs of a dead spider. They shuddered with the rest of Kaneki, and Uta took joy in the way Kaneki cried out as Uta thrust into him as he stroked his kagune. "Very good, Kaneki." Uta let his eyes slip closed and his head fall back on his shoulders as he slid his hands up along the claws that twitched and writhed with Kaneki.

When Uta opened his eyes and met his own kakugan he realized they were in full view of that mirrored wall that had made the living room feel so open. Uta could see Kaneki's flushed face, his closed eyes, the teeth buried in his lip in between every frequent moan, and the muscles that flexed and twitched with each movement on both parts. Uta grinned, leaning forward to press his chest against the back.

"You're beautiful, Kaneki. Do you know how much?" He asked, lancing his hips forward and back into Kaneki sharply.

"Ah, fuck, Uta, please..." Uta grinned and slid his hand to Kaneki's chin, lifting his face so that he could see all of it.

"Open your eyes." Uta told him. "Look straight ahead."

Kaneki did as he was told, and when his eyes met in the mirror, he looked up immediately to Uta's eyes, touching his. He whimpered, suddenly going as still as he could, the twitching in his kagune stopping and he gripped the sheets tighter. Uta stilled as well.

"Don't stop." Kaneki begged.

Uta moved slowly, deliberately, sliding his arm over Kaneki's chest before bringing it around that arm to slip his palm down between Kaneki's legs, stroking that part of him that wanted attention desperately. "You don't stop. Watch us in the mirror. Just watch us. I want you to see how much I love you, Ken. Don't close your eyes." He demanded.

Kaneki's eyes shifted to follow Uta's hand in the mirror before he arched up into Uta's chest at the touch. His heavy-lidded eyes locked onto Uta in the mirror, panting, cheeks flushed. "Please...Please Uta." He begged.

Uta didn't acknowledge the statement, rearing back to slam forward back into Kaneki again. Their hips slapped together in a harsh, rough rhythm, and Uta curled his fingers in the hair at the nape of Kaneki's neck so he could drag him back onto his shaft harder, bring him so close to the edge that he could taste it. Kaneki was watching the whole time, his eyes trained on the mirror, watching his body melt into the handling of his lover, and all of the different administrations Uta performed to his overwrought body. He watched the tattooed fingers slide along his chest, up his back with nails curled down tight, and felt his tongue on his kagune each time one twitched or curled tight. He watched his own body react to every little caress and movement, every invasion of Uta's body. He watched Uta claim him thoroughly, tossing his hair back out of his eyes to see Kaneki himself, but mostly, he watched Uta's face, his tattooed body, and how it revelled in Kaneki beneath him. How those eyes moved lovingly over his body and stroked him just like his hands did. He watched Uta's body react to his own every time he tightened around Uta's shaft, and his head fall back every time Kaneki would whimper his name.

Uta loved Kaneki. Uta thought Kaneki was beautiful. He thought the scars were beautiful and called Kaneki's body a work of art.

Kaneki wasn't sure what made him go over the edge, the actual feeling of Uta's body, watching it, or that knowledge, but all he knew was that when he saw Uta stiffen in his orgasm, felt the warmth flood his insides, he nearly blacked out, and the next thing he remembered, he was laying cuddled in Uta's warm arms. Uta's fingers carded through his hair gently, and he pressed a kiss to Kaneki's forehead.

"Can I draw you, Ken?" He asked.

Kaneki looked up at him, sure his kakugan was still activated. "Huh?" He asked.

"I want to draw you naked on the beach sometime tonight. Ever since you made me promise to make love to you on the beach, I've been thinking about it. And I want to draw you nude." Uta explained. "Can I?"

Kaneki felt his body warm at the thought, and he was pretty sure Uta had succeeded in changing his conditioning. "Sure."

 _ **7777777**_

Uta woke the next morning to find Kaneki was not beside him, and sat up wondering what was going on. He heard clattering in the kitchen and went out to find him pouring bloodwine into a coffee cup, looking out the window. He sniffed it for a moment, then lifted his head, sniffing the air as well. He shuddered before turning his head to look at Uta. Uta leaned against the mirrored wall, watching him and smirking, arms crossed over his bare chest. He'd thought to put on his heart-patterned boxer briefs, but it didn't seem to be stopping Kaneki from reacting to the promise that Uta was living up to so far.

His eyes trailed to the tattooed fingers curled around his arms where they were folded across his chest, and his chest, but then went back up his throat and then his eyes. He watched like a wary animal, a hungry animal, but he waited. Uta moved slowly, standing from the wall fluidly and approaching him confidently. He reached out and touched his elbow, and Kaneki's eyes closed on a gasp.

"I told you I would retrain your brain, didn't I?" He asked.

Kaneki nodded. "I can't tell which was worse. I'm strung up now for another reason." He admitted, looking up at Uta from under his lashes. Uta smiled at him, leaning close to press a kiss to his mouth.

"Drink your drink. I want to work a little more on you." Uta ordered, turning to got to the TV and turn on a movie or something.

They had worked all night long, and Uta had more plans. Specifically for that beach...


End file.
